February 28, 2011

you are not the hulk.


On Friday, Northern Virginia had some crazy weather.

Since I had stayed late on Thursday night, I got to go home early on Friday. One of the best things in the world is the early Friday train. You are heading for the weekend and NOTHING CAN STOP YOU.

So I open the door of my building to leave, and have a difficult time pushing the door open because every breath of wind in the western hemisphere was apparently pushing on the outside of this door, very intent on keeping it closed. With a great and valiant effort, I somehow managed to wrestle the door open and headed onto the metro.

Due to some shocking and surprising (read: pretty regular) problem with metro, instead of going to my normal station to wait for the VRE (inside) I instead went 2 stops down to another station and waited for the VRE. Outside.

After being lacerated in the face by the wind and my hair for about ten minutes, the train finally arrived. (speaking of my hair, I was mostly worried that it was going to whip out and slash some poor, unsuspecting person and I was going to have to be like “oh! Sorry! Don’t mind my Medusa hair!” ) I promptly fell asleep like I normally do on the train. And then I woke up, and realized we weren’t moving.

After I ruled out the zombie apocalypse, I waited to see what the conductor would tell us. “Uh, folks, it looks like the high winds have knocked a tree across the tracks. We have to wait until a crew comes and clears it, but that could be more than half an hour.”
you can't really see it, but trust me. windy.

Everyone groaned indignantly. Who did that tree think it was? Stopping our going home early on Friday train? For shame!

I was satisfied that the tree-moving-crew was coming soon, I had a fully charged iPod, and 2 unwatched episodes of Friday Night Lights, so I got comfortable in my seat.

Not so with my other passengers. One man was very irate that we were having to wait. “Why don’t they just let us get out and move the tree? I mean, come on! We’ve got lots of strong guys on this train! We can just go out and move it!”

This is a public service announcement to everyone. Here are the times when it is appropriate to climb out of the train, onto the train track where trains are still whizzing by, and try to move a tree off of our track.

1.     When the zombie apocalypse actually has happened.
2.     When there is a train full of children hurtling towards the tree who will all be smashed up if you don’t move it.
3.     When you are Mr. Incredible and/or the hulk.

Let me just tell you: none of these circumstances were in place.

The longsuffering conductor walked by. She was handing out free tickets to everyone on board, who all thanked her nicely and smiled. Except for this guy. “Hey, why can’t we just get out and move the tree?”

I could see her trying to decide how to answer. The “it would be dangerous/we would be liable/there is a tree movers union/you could get a hernia and sue us and then we’d be out a whole lot more than a few free train tickets” answers were all going across her head, stock ticker style (I could tell). Finally she just went with, “No, sir.”

She had her radio on, which connects to the conductor driving the train. “Can’t you at least ask?” the man pushed.

“No, I can’t do that, sir.”

“Aww, come on! Just ask!”

“No, sir.”

She was still in the car and the man started going on and on about how he could imagine WHY they wouldn’t let him along with all of his friends climb out and move the freaking tree. I was sitting towards the back of the car and the poor conductor just looked up at me and shook her head. "Yeeeeeah," I said back. 

finally they got the tree moved, and we got home. but i think a pretty good rule of thumb is: if you are not the hulk, please leave the tree moving to heavy machinery. 


1 comment:

Aidan said...

can I just say, the fact that you went to the zombie apocalypse first demonstrates how awesome you are.

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